I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this will be a night to untag.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
