I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
