soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
