he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I could make wine with my vomit
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
