So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
