I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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