The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
