Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
