she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
