At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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