Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
