exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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