that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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