in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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