There was a lot of him and a little penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
