You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
