and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
