I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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