i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
