Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
