I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
