Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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