Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
