Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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