I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
And then he peed in my hair
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