my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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