i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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