bring money and cleavage
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
