He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
