So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
