I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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