goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
