I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
