No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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