How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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