Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
