Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
