He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
