I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
