You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
