i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
