dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
