i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
