ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
