There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
