last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just pee around me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
