He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
