last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
