you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
