dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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