Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
